Over the last 12 months there seems to have been a rise in the 'strong over skinny' look, with Millie Mackintosh, Lucy Mecklenburgh and Khloe Kardashian leading the way for the fit and toned look opposed to the skeletal model frame, which is a fantastic for today's impressionable youth... I only wish that this was the case when I was younger and more impressionable.
It's not something I generally talk about or really think about anymore as its not a healthy pastime of mine, when I was 15 and obsessed with fashion I loved Paris Hilton, Victoria Beckham, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Kate Moss and all the fashionistas of that time who really made me fall in love with fashion the only downside was that these ladies were extremely skinny and I was not.... I had always been chubby whether it was genetics or being over fed by my mum (I can only assume I was over fed to try and compensate for the loss of my father... We have to learn comfort eating from somewhere I suppose) but I certainly did not have the frame of my idols; the older I got the more my frame evened out though I have always had curves I found I lost my 'puppy fat' as my mum would call it, but then I found boys.... One thing I wish I could go back and tell my younger self is don't listen to boys and their stupid opinions ones who care would never be cruel, but there was no one to tell me this so I fell in to a trap with a controlling boy who made comments like 'I would love it if you were thinner' or 'look how amazing she looks' and that really was the beginning of long and dangerous road in my life....
I became obsessed with being thin because that would fix everything, my boyfriend was cheating because I wasn't thin enough all the stupid things you think to rationalise what your doing, I did everything in my power to be thin and after 6 months I had easily lost over a stone but it became a competition with myself, I needed to loose more weight than the day before, the week before even and I would weigh myself 3 times a day to try stop myself 'getting fatter' I did the usual wearing baggy clothes because obviously you want to be so thin but you don't want anyone to notice and confront you about it.... It still baffles me now how it became such a trap so quickly. Anyway move on a few years and a few boyfriends and I was still struggling to the point where my parents were worried, my friends noticed a difference I hated going out for dinner and I just became a shadow of myself but hey I was skinny so the world was great right? Wrong and the skinny socialites were becoming more and more popular Nicole Richie was one of my idols who was obviously also going through a very tough time as was Mary Kate Olsen and then Miss Moss declared "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" there was nothing thing wrong with me we were all just keeping slim it was part of being a grown up and a fashion lover surely?
Until the side effects started to kick in of years of starving my body of everything it needed, these came in the form of fainting, loosing feelings in my hands, regular dizzy spells and struggling to hold a conversation it got so bad that when I did eat my stomach would hurt so badly I could hardly stand up in later years I discovered it was my acid levels as I starved myself amongst other things it would cause the acid levels in my body to imbalance and when I ate it would upset the acid levels even more which caused horrific pains in my upper abdomen, unfortunately this didn't stop me as hey I had skinny legs I needed to get (body dysmorphia is also one issue that comes with eating issues I will never really know how skinny I was I avoided photos and only ever saw the larger version of myself in the mirror). Then 7 years ago Louis came in to my life (we knew each other in high school but had not seen each other for years) I feel awful now for everything I put him and my loved ones through but he stuck by me and just loved me for me not how I looked (well except my taste in clothes as I dressed 'differently' to girls around here as he would always tell me) and even then I could not give up my habit it was part of me and every fashion girl was skinny, the bloggers, the fashionistas even the WAGs were skinny, I needed to be the same as them to be happy or so I thought.
After putting Louis through a few years of hell which includes mood swings and avoiding eating with anyone and pretending I was fine I hit one huge wall.... I had hardly eaten for days and we were traveling to the shops and then suddenly whilst we were in the car my temperature soared, my heart started beating through my chest, I couldn't breathe and then my hands and legs just went I lost all feeling I panicked and Louis was amazing he was and always has been my rock, he pulled over and carried me out of the car and sat with me until I cooled down and calmed down and then I realised this was hurting more than just me, here was a boy who loved me for me he didn't care how I looked and he still loved me even after the hell I must have put him through and even though it's been a long road and I will never be 'cured' of my poisonous thoughts, I learnt to control them not just for me but for us, I make healthy choices I try not to over eat and I now manage to maintain a realistic weight and I'm happy genuinely happy and even with my wedding coming up I haven't gone crazy like I thought I would because I'm marrying a man who loves me no matter (sorry for the soppiness)
So we roll forward to today where it's now the thing to be strong not skinny and I love it! Where were the Kardashians and their curves when I was young? Where was Lucy with her rock hard abs when all I had to look at was Paris Hiltons protruding rib cage? These amazing women who work out and eat well are what the youngsters of today need like my little sister who is 15 and I just feel so happy that she has some amazing role models out there who are promoting women embracing their bodies, their curves and general fitness and are showing that to be fabulous, to be admired you can be real and that real women have curves!